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« Previous Entries10/8 - “What don’t they call it that?”
Wednesday, October 8th, 2008You know, that weird spot behind your knee where your leg bends. Although, it’s not a place where pubic hair grows, it’s still a crevice where one sweats. You’re leg-pit!
10/7 - “How smart is my cat?”
Tuesday, October 7th, 2008Being sick today, I stayed home from work. I’m wondering what my cat was thinking. “What are you doing home on a weekday?” Does that cat know I’m sick, and understand the concept of sick days? Does the cat understand weekdays vs. weekends? MY CAT IS A GENIUS. SHE MIGHT.
10/6 - “Take this, avoid hangovers”
Monday, October 6th, 2008Such annoying products. Not that I’ve ever tried any of these pills, solutions, or whatever they are, but I’m skeptical. Why don’t the creators of such products focus on something more useful to humanity? I understand the market demand, and the right to make money, but to me such a product just isn’t a very […]
10/5 - “Not so fast”
Sunday, October 5th, 2008I remember several years ago having a conversation with someone about one of my favorite films of all time, Back to the Future. In the film, in order to travel through time, this Delorean must travel 88 MPH.
88 MPH? Honestly, it’s not really that fast. I mean, it’s fast enough to get ticketed, but […]
10/3 - “2-ply toilet paper: highly inefficient”
Friday, October 3rd, 2008When it comes to toilet paper, I’ve come to realize the importance of purchasing that of the “soft” variety. Other than that, I don’t really have much of a preference of type or brand.
It occured to me that 2-play toilet paper is very much a waste. I’M AN ENVIRONMENTALIST NOW. Think about it. Different bathroom activities […]
10/2 - “Really scared of getting killed by a train”
Thursday, October 2nd, 2008Pretty much every time I’m driving and about to go over some train tracks, I get nervous. I mean, even if the arm is up, what if it’s malfunctioning and there really is a train coming?
But Adam, wouldn’t you hear the train coming?
No, not necessarily, depending on the radio volume. What do you expect me […]
10/1 - “Sure, I’ll take my boots off…and smack you in the face with them”
Wednesday, October 1st, 2008Somehow I was recently able to walk into The Belmont (a fairly classy bar/restaurant) wearing shorts, flip-flops, and a white t-shirt. Yet, the other day we try to walk into The Happy Ending (a nothing post-collegy bar), and my friend received all sorts of grief for wearing “boots.”
YES, I know I am in LA, and […]
9/30 - “Gaseous unborn children”
Tuesday, September 30th, 2008With a co-worker of mine 7 months into her pregnancy, it’s possible that this is the most amount of time I’ve ever really been around a pregnant woman in my life. I HAVE QUESTIONS.
For example, if the mother is having some stomach pains, how does she know if she just has a stomach ache, or if it’s […]
9/29 - “Philosophy”
Monday, September 29th, 2008Bozzz: Time doesn’t exist.
Me: We can debate that.
Bozzz: I don’t have time to.
9/28 - “Best way to make weight…”
Sunday, September 28th, 2008…is by going on a tapeworm diet, right?
9/27 - “You know who I look like…”
Saturday, September 27th, 2008“You know who you remind me of…you look like that actor, whatshisname…” PEOPLE LOOK LIKE PEOPLE, yes.
Perhaps in your own life you’ve been repeatedly reminded that you look like a particular celebrity. That’s fine. However, anybody who just straight up tells you “I look like ___ “ is a complete egomaniac.
If throughout your life […]
9/25 - “All photos at once”
Thursday, September 25th, 2008Whether it’s at some sort of press conference, show, or any type of event, you’ll often be asked not to shoot photographs. Cameras might not even be allowed inside the venue. WHY NOT? Recently Dave went to some sort of Q&A with Spike Lee and Whoopi Goldberg. NO CAMERAS.
What is the friggin’ problem? All you […]
9/24 - “Fuck Pizza Hut and their trickery”
Wednesday, September 24th, 2008Pizza Hut is something I’ll eat maybe twice a year, and soon after consumption, I’ll experience incredible regret (internally). Anyway, you may or may not have seen these commercials they’re running on TV in which they replace “restaurant pasta” with that of Pizza Hut.
At one point a title pops up, “Actual Footage,” or something along […]
9/23 - “Ah, I feel better”
Tuesday, September 23rd, 2008Sometimes when we bump into somebody we’ve met before, and have forgotten their name, it can be obvious to this other person. We humans are never more relieved than when it’s confirmed they’ve forgotten our name too!
9/21 - “What else is on the menu, bitch?”
Sunday, September 21st, 2008Heather Mills recently donated a MILLION DOLLARS worth of vegan food to a poor neighborhood. Seemingly a nice gesture, but is that all that is available? Are those below the poverty line typically vegans? How many “new age” homeless people have you come across?
Heather Mills wants you to be healthy. Whatever. Soy (which her food […]
9/20 - “Not a pedophile!”
Saturday, September 20th, 2008Another story from the film set —- In this particular scene I was at a wedding, and sitting at a table with 3 or 4 other people. In the midst of an intense debate between Wendy’s and In & Out Burger, I confessed my affection for 13 year old red-headed girls. I was referring to the […]
9/18 - “More on quarters / retarded soda machine from heaven”
Thursday, September 18th, 2008When I was recently trying to hunt down some quarters for laundry, I recalled a “trick” we used to do in college. Inside my residence hall during my freshman year there was a soda machine on the 2nd floor. I’m not quite sure if the following applies to many machines, but if it does, I […]
9/17 - “Change for the sake of change?”
Wednesday, September 17th, 2008Needing a few quarters to play pool at the Barney’s Beanery, I slipped a couple of dollar bills into the change machine. As the quarters were spouting out, some guy in the vicinity pointed out to me that there is a slot to put in quarters too.
Maybe we were both missing something, but what the […]
9/15 - “Alternative fundraisers”
Monday, September 15th, 2008Usually people will run for charity, or even ride their bike. “For each mile I go, I ask that you donate a small amount that will go toward cancer (or whatever) research. Certainly I would consider it a win-win situation since the individual participating is getting exercise, and money is going to a worthy cause.
In actuality […]
9/14 - “Robot orgy”
Sunday, September 14th, 2008This weekend I volunteered to help a friend out by being an extra in a movie he’s currently filming. The film mostly takes place during a wedding, and one of my duties was to dance during a few scenes. In a scene which apparently required 15 takes, a group of others and myself were asked […]
9/13 - “Right back where I started from”
Saturday, September 13th, 2008I know it’s only because of man-made geographical borders, but I always through it was pretty ridiculous that when I used to drive up to college in Syracuse, NY from Long Island, the route itself was fairly ridiculous.
I would start off in Long Island, NY, then go through New Jersey, then through Pennsylvania, and then […]
9/12 - “Carson Daly defies logic”
Friday, September 12th, 2008The one human being on planet earth that actually looks better less skinny.
9/11 - “The worst thing you can do is fart”
Thursday, September 11th, 2008Recently somebody passed me a link to this product:
http://www.thrillist.com/archives/2008/09/subtle_butt_la_los_angeles_gadgets_grooming.html
You stick it between your butt cheeks and it filters the odor released when you fart.
GOD FORBID SOMEBODY SMELLS YOUR FART. THE WORLD WILL END. THE EARTH WILL CRUMBLE. YOU WILL NEVER GET LAID AGAIN. YOU WILL GET FIRED FROM YOUR JOB. NOBODY WILL LIKE YOU. YOU […]
9/9 - “We’re all addicted to Krackel”
Tuesday, September 9th, 2008With Halloween not all that far away, I figured why not share some thoughts about candy. Anytime there is bag of mini-Hershey’s chocolates nearby, the same eating pattern always becomes evident.
A bag typically consists Hershey’s milk chocolate, dark chocolate, mr. Goodbar, and Krackel. 99% of the time, all the “Krackels” will be gone first, usually […]
9/8 - “Breaking down video with Bill Belichick”
Monday, September 8th, 2008With the NFL season in full swing and football on the mind, I’ve come up with a wonderful concept that I wish I had the means follow through on. An important part of game preparation in the past few decades has undoubtedly been the “breaking down,” of game film for purposes of reviewing what went […]
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