me: i stucky in bed. help me.
bozzz: you tied up?
me: glued. with elmers glue.
bozzz: guy named elmer glue you down? sexy.
me: yeah, he use elmer’s glue, not the brand though. he borrow glue from his friend who also is named elmer.
In the coming months and even years, I’ll likely be telling more and more Grandpa Sammy stories.
It must’ve been sometime in the late 1980’s or early 90’s — My grandpa parked the car across the street from a 7-11. With my sister and I (us kids) waiting in the car, Sammy asked us if we [...]
Sometimes I get shocked by the electrical outlet….
…..it tells me unbelievable things.
Wow. All within one day……
First I’m picking up pizza at this place in Van Nuys, CA. I look up at the menu in the place, and realize they don’t offer baked ziti. I ask the employee there, “Do you guys make baked ziti?” He looks at me as if I’m speaking a different language. “What’s [...]
No tall people can ever be described as feisty. I’m pretty sure really fat people can’t be described as feisty either.
Sure you could argue that the dictionary definition for feisty makes no mention of heights of people —- but maybe this should be changed!
The way I see it, any male under 6 feet tall can [...]
It doesn’t even matter if it’s a girl, a new friend, or a potential business relationship, at first, EVERYONE gets entered into my phone in lower case letters. I mean, I have this philosophy partially because of my mistrust of people, but also because it’s quicker/easier just to enter all lower case letters when [...]
A quirky person can sometimes be smooth.
A smooth person can sometimes be quirky.
However, I’m pretty sure it’s impossible to be both smooth and quirky at the same time.
One day, before I die, I vow to be simultaneously both smooth and quirky.
If and when, I will issue a full report with details about it.
“You know you’re really hard to shop for.”
“I know. I’m hard to shop for.”
Those phrases above are clearly bullshit phrases. Nobody is really that hard to shop for. The reason for this is that EVERYONE likes getting gifts. Assuming you don’t give someone something they already have, or give them some cheap piece of shit, [...]
It was only inevitable that I would give my two cents on the whole Tiger Woods situation. I sort of don’t give a shit all that much, but came across a headline on ESPN.com the other day that pissed me off. Here’s what it read:
“Amid shocking scandal, Tiger Woods named athlete of the [...]
A few weeks ago I was talking to Kellie, a co-worker of mine. I was explaining to her how I describe myself as a healthy combination of both “old school” and “new school” styles.
Shortly thereafter, it made perfect sense when she considered my maturity level, and dubbed my old school + new school style [...]
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