The Stabbing Pen

10/8 - “What don’t they call it that?”

The Stabbing Pen — Thu, 09 Oct 2008 04:52:20 +0000

You know, that weird spot behind your knee where your leg bends. Although, it’s not a place where pubic hair grows, it’s still a crevice where one sweats. You’re leg-pit!

10/7 - “How smart is my cat?”

The Stabbing Pen — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 02:21:25 +0000

Being sick today, I stayed home from work. I’m wondering what my cat was thinking. “What are you doing home on a weekday?” Does that cat know I’m sick, and understand the concept of sick days? Does the cat understand weekdays vs. weekends? MY CAT IS A GENIUS. SHE MIGHT.

10/6 - “Take this, avoid hangovers”

The Stabbing Pen — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 00:53:43 +0000

Such annoying products. Not that I’ve ever tried any of these pills, solutions, or whatever they are, but I’m skeptical. Why don’t the creators of such products focus on something more useful to humanity? I understand the market demand, and the right to make money, but to me such a product just isn’t a very noble one in which to invest time and money.

Besides, if you want to avoid a hangover, it’s pretty simple. DON’T DRINK SO FUCKING MUCH.

And if you do drink excessively, drink some water too, and don’t drink on an empty stomach. You know, the guidelines human beings have been using for probably the past thousand years or so.

10/5 - “Not so fast”

The Stabbing Pen — Sun, 05 Oct 2008 16:49:30 +0000

I remember several years ago having a conversation with someone about one of my favorite films of all time, Back to the Future. In the film, in order to travel through time, this Delorean must travel 88 MPH.

88 MPH? Honestly, it’s not really that fast. I mean, it’s fast enough to get ticketed, but this was fiction. Why not have the car have to go 110 MPH to travel through time? Actually fuck that, 160 MPH!

10/3 - “2-ply toilet paper: highly inefficient”

The Stabbing Pen — Sat, 04 Oct 2008 03:57:40 +0000

When it comes to toilet paper, I’ve come to realize the importance of purchasing that of the “soft” variety. Other than that, I don’t really have much of a preference of type or brand.

It occured to me that 2-play toilet paper is very much a waste. I’M AN ENVIRONMENTALIST NOW. Think about it. Different bathroom activities (types of shits per se) require different amounts of toilet paper usage. Instead of continually using 2-ply, and wasting double the paper just…

…FOLD 1-PLY PAPER IN HALF LIKE A NORMAL PERSON.

10/2 - “Really scared of getting killed by a train”

The Stabbing Pen — Thu, 02 Oct 2008 21:44:00 +0000

Pretty much every time I’m driving and about to go over some train tracks, I get nervous. I mean, even if the arm is up, what if it’s malfunctioning and there really is a train coming?

But Adam, wouldn’t you hear the train coming?

No, not necessarily, depending on the radio volume. What do you expect me to do, turn my radio down for 2 seconds?

What if I’m listening to “Eternal Hope” by Kevin MacLeod, and it’s around the 2:20 mark……when the hope is really starting to kick in.

10/1 - “Sure, I’ll take my boots off…and smack you in the face with them”

The Stabbing Pen — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 21:44:48 +0000

Somehow I was recently able to walk into The Belmont (a fairly classy bar/restaurant) wearing shorts, flip-flops, and a white t-shirt. Yet, the other day we try to walk into The Happy Ending (a nothing post-collegy bar), and my friend received all sorts of grief for wearing “boots.”

YES, I know I am in LA, and boots aren’t exactly popular footwear, but my friend just moved here from the east coast. After the door-mofo checked with his manager, they allowed us all inside, but the hold-up was ridiculous.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH BOOTS? Is it because boots aren’t “fancy” enough for some shithole bar? Are boots just so out of style in this town that they aren’t allowed? Does wearing boots carry some sort of connotation to gangs? I don’t know.

I don’t get how sneakers, which are sloppier than boots, are cool.

9/30 - “Gaseous unborn children”

The Stabbing Pen — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 02:41:31 +0000

With a co-worker of mine 7 months into her pregnancy, it’s possible that this is the most amount of time I’ve ever really been around a pregnant woman in my life. I HAVE QUESTIONS.

For example, if the mother is having some stomach pains, how does she know if she just has a stomach ache, or if it’s baby-related stuff? If the baby has a stomach ache, does she then have one as well, automatically?

If the baby farts, does it smell “inside” the mother? If the mother has gas, does the baby then have gas too? Can the woman create her own smelly farts, and then with a good moral conscience actually blame her unborn child for the odor?

9/29 - “Philosophy”

The Stabbing Pen — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 17:07:03 +0000

Bozzz: Time doesn’t exist.
Me: We can debate that.
Bozzz: I don’t have time to.

9/28 - “Best way to make weight…”

The Stabbing Pen — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 06:13:42 +0000

…is by going on a tapeworm diet, right?